dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
