My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
