There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
