my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
