So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
