worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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