4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Two words: blizzard sex
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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