So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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