sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
