Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
