I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
