I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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