There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
