just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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