he wants to bone in the snuggie
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
