Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
