too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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