I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize