My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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