It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
