i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
