dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
time to smoke my breakfast
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
