who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
