whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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