I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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