How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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