I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There r osticjed everywhere
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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