I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
