Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
