I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
3 2 1 whiskey
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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