I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
