I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
