Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
