just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
