I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
