Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
