I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
