Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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