Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
