those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
