All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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