Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
