But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
