we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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