You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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