I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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