guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
People in love make me want to vomit
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Randomize
