she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize