tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
