the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Randomize
