Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
