Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
