Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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