don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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