Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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