I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
