too bad you live with your parents still
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
