You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
