Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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