so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
