no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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