get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
