where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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