if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
