I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
