after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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