I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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