Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
nutella sex= disaster
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
