this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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