so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
