I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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