Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
