Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
