Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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