So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
