this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
