I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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