On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Let's paint friendship bongs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
