how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
