Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
where are you?
Hypothermia
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
