she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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