there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough