I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
