we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions