no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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