Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.