The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
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why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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