Please, let me fuck your mom
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy