Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
