The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
