she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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